Goat vs Turkey and Man vs Cougar

Ian dropped by the farm to offer some questionable suggestions for keeping cougars off your back. Pete the Turkey, rejected the idea, and the Goat made his feelings toward Pete quite obvious.

Photographer Attacked at Washago Wedding

Pipe and Slipper News

A bride and groom attack their wedding photographer  at a recent wedding in Washago, Ontario.

Renowned photographer, Berl Kermitt Corn was attacked by an upset bride and groom, when he arrived at their fairytale wedding dressed like a chicken.

Mr. Corn explained,   " I just wanted to promote my healthy lifestyle of eating nothing but organic eggs and drinking Canadian Club whiskey."

Doctors say that Mr. Corn's injuries are non life threatening.


 

Is Political Rhetoric Affecting Bird Migrations?

Swanald Trumpeter

 

Ask Forest, The Smartest Pig in the World

Dear Forest,

Since I know you have close associates of the aviary sort I am wondering if you can give me some insight on the behaviour of wild ducks (and geese) who choose to spend the winters here instead of flying south.  It's their tradition to fly south yet they have given up this tradition in favour of subsisting in open spots of water in the north.  Thus they risk being frozen into the ice, they must suffer through snow squalls and frigid weather, and I can’t see any real advantage to them!  If I could fly south without any monetary consequence I would most certainly do so.  Why don’t they? 

- Just curious.

---

Dear Just Curious,

Immediately after the events of September 11, 2001, the fear of terrorism initially made many people reluctant to fly anywhere. First it was because of fear of terrorism. But later it was because of a fear of invasive body cavity searches. You might not think that such fears would affect birds (in fact, I know a couple of English birds who are actually quite into that sort of thing). However, there are many birds, especially geese, ducks, and turkeys, who have a congenital fear of hands stuffing anything "where the sun don't shine" if you catch my meaning.

The causes of "migration reluctance" differ from continent to continent. Thanksgiving angst is primarily, though not exclusively, a North American phenomenon. Consider the fact that Canadian Thanksgiving (in October), and USA Thanksgiving (in November), coincide with the migration schedules of many birds, it has been the source of much consternation, even among among birds who would not normally fit the Thanksgiving profile. Some scientists blame Morphic Resonance for the collateral panic.

Another North American problem is the rise of anti-migration sentiment in the Tea-Party heartland. There has been talk of presidential hopeful, Swanald Trumpeter, wanting to build a wall between the USA and Canada in order to keep out Canadian birds. When asked about his opposition to  Canadian birds wintering in the USA, Swanald Trumpeter  said,

"When Canada sends its birds, they're not sending their best. They're not sending you. They're not sending you. They're sending birds that have lots of problems and they're bringing those problems with them. They're bringing drugs, they're bringing crime, they're rapists, and some, I assume, are good-tasting birds."

This rabid rhetoric, as ludicrous as it is, has created a great deal of stress on the part of many migratory birds. Many have decided that the journey is not worth the risk. The journey is already fraught with perils such as wind farms, commercial air traffic, hunters, illegal search and seizure, and the fact that migrating birds have few rights under U.S. law. If Swanald Trumpeter were to have his way, birds would also have to contend with a giant wall, as well as Predator drones, radar, and pole top lights (which are notoriously deadly to migrating birds.)

For those who swallow the Swanald Trumpeter bluster, migration reluctance may indeed be motivated by pride. For, if the birds who migrate to or through the USA are "not the best," as "the Swanald" claims, then it stands to reason that the best will stay in Canada.  It has been said that when a Canadian bird migrates to the USA, the average intelligence of the birds in each country increases.

Migration has a long and glorious tradition, recorded by the likes of Homer and Aristotle. But with the growing "anti-wing extremism" in the USA, many birds have decided to go against tradition, choosing to remain in Canada during the winter months. Nowadays, Homer might express a different view of migration.

Homer has changed since his stint as an ancient Greek epic poet.

Non-political influences on bird migration: 

With climate change, northern winters are also getting shorter. This means that some birds barely have time to migrate south before it is time to turn around and fly back to their nesting grounds.

But now I should address your main point, Just Curious. Any bird that bucks tradition may come face to face with the lessons of history. So, it is indeed risky for birds to buck the trend. But it can be equally dangerous to blindly follow tradition. There can also be a great advantage to being ahead of the curve. 

Are these birds ignorant of tradition? Or, are they pioneering geniuses? Perhaps they are the first to recognize and adapt to change? If they survive the winter, they will be the first to arrive at prime nesting sites while the other birds, if they are lucky enough to survive the migration, will be flying to an outdated schedule, and risk arriving after their competitors and predators have gained a distinct advantage. 

There are pros and cons to each strategy, and since one never knows which way the wind will blow, it serves a species well to have at least a few iconoclasts who are willing to bet on the long shot while everyone else plays the favourite. It may be a risky decision for the individual, but a valuable backup plan for the species as a whole. 

I am reminded of a story that my Uncle Geoff, a Vietnamese Potbelly Pig like myself. He told me about a songbird who decided that migrating was not worth the trouble, seeing as it would require navigating through an increasingly urbanized, armed, and paranoid America. Having never spent a winter in Canada, the young robin did not see what the big deal was. So, while the other birds packed up a flew south, he stayed behind. Initially it worked out very well for the robin, as the absence of competition from other birds made food easy to find. But when the snow fell it covered much of his food, and then the northern birds moved in. Blue jays and grosbeaks can be quite pushy, and they have strange cultural habits to which the robin was unaccustomed. In addition, the snowy owls, with their unintelligible accent, penchant for voyeurism, and carnivorous nature, made the poorly camouflaged robin very uncomfortable.

Eventually the robin saw the error in his decision and decided to migrate after all. But along the way, the weather took a nasty turn, causing icing of his wings and bones. He froze up in mid-flight and crashed to the ground.  Now, as luck would have it, he crash landed in a barnyard with just enough snow-covered straw to cushion his fall. This is where my uncle, Geoff the Pig, comes into the picture. He saw the the robin's plight and immediately crapped on him. To some, this might seem like he was adding insult to injury. However, the crap also added heat which revived the olfactorily-impaired robin. The robin took stock of his new situation and discovered that the barn offered heat, shelter, and perhaps enough food to get him through the winter. Geoff agreed that there were many types of food available in the barn, some of which might be suitable for robins. At the very least, he thought that the facilities should enable him to recover enough of his strength to resume his migration. This made the robin so happy that he began to sing quite cheerfully, which attracted the attention of a cat....which ate him.   

Geoff mourned the poor robin, and vowed to pass on the robin's story so that others might learn it's valuable lessons:

• The easy way is not always easy
• Going against tradition can have both risks and rewards.
• Not everyone who dumps a load of crap on you is your enemy.
• Not everyone who gets you out of crap is your friend.
• If you are really happy about being in deep crap, keep quiet about it.

Sincerely,

Forest, "the Smartest Pig in the World"

Do you have a question for Forest?
Email you questions to: ForestThePig@gmail.com

 

Steve the Shrew is a smart, ballsy little shrew.

Two Cats, One Shrew.

I've been trying to get a better video (better lighting, no radio) - just now I missed three cats eating dry food with Steve the Shrew joining in. Steve (assuming he's a male) has made himself quite at home since Saturday. He runs around the house like he owns it. Cats stalk and follow him, but so far he's untouchable. Steve the Shrew is a smart, ballsy little shrew.

- Cheryl

Mr. Alfred Prickels has lunch.

A young Porcupine Celebrity.
Let's hope that as he grows, he fairs better than some child stars.

Turkey steals instruction manual

Pete the turkey casually walks by and plucks booklet from my hand. He then runs off, drops the booklet and gobbles at me. Who needs instructions anyhow? More Tales from The Pipe and Slipper....

A Most Interesting Rabbit

The most interesting rabbit in the world.

"I don't often garden but when I do I only plant carrots."
- The most interesting rabbit in the World.

Turkeys on Route to Their New Home

The journey begins. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. We'll live like kings at The Slipper. ( Wild turkeys on route to their new home.)

 

Squirrels vs Bird Feeders: Ask Forest, The Smartest Pig in the World:

Dear Forest, 

I have squirrels getting into my bird feeders and they're eating all the seed I put out for my smaller bird friends. What should I do to keep them out of the feeders?

Sincerely, 

Squirrel Magnet 

Squirrels are notorious for crashing banquets,
and for foiling attempts to make them stay away.

Dear Mr. Magnet, 

Many religions declare that God gave humans dominion over the earth, making them vicegerent in charge of plants, animals, mountains and oceans. Pigs were initially short-listed for the job. But we lost out, only due to our lack of opposable thumbs. However, the inability of humans to outwit the humble "tree rat," has caused some to wonder at the thought processes behind that pivotal decision.  

It is important for humans to protect the valuable birdseed and suet from the squirrels, since the rodents are voracious, and the contents of bird feeders can be expensive. "It isn't chicken feed," as they say.

But squirrels are tenacious, and will assemble en masse for an easy feast. A feeding frenzy of squirrels is only slightly more decorous than gulls fighting over fast food.  

Simple physical obstacles will have limited effectiveness, especially during tough winters when food is scarce and squirrels are desperate.  Considering that squirrels have evolved to defend against powerful and agile predators of the land and of the air, it seems ridiculous to think that they could be stopped by a plastic bottle, a pie plate, or a slinky.

Even this ingenious battery-powered squirrel spinner has limited effectiveness.  

More violent measures, such as pellet guns or skeet launchers are also ineffective. Eliminating or discouraging one hungry opportunistic squirrel only seems to invite three more audacious, thrill-seeking, parkour acrobats to take its place.

Sly measures such as placing cayenne around or near the feeder does not take into account the adaptability of the squirrel palate. A friend of mine tried this approach once in order to protect the garden from pillaging rodents, only to one day see them rolling the vegetables in the stuff before eating.  

As my tai chi teacher says, we must not merely respond to the attack, but to the energy, structure, motivation, and underlying cause of the attack. In the case of the squirrel, the attack may be the result of hunger, boredom, scarcity, feather envy, or some misunderstood cultural or religious prerogative. We should consider all options. To fail to comprehend the real cause of the problem is to invite doom...a squirrelageddon, if you will.

We have seen how global climate change has contributed to the rise of ISIS. I don't even want to imagine the horror of hordes of squirrels, deprived of natural food sources, launching coordinated attacks on bird feeders, barns, and storage sheds. It is terrifying to consider the madness of a marginalized group of squirrels committing atrocities, religious conversions, forced marriages, and acts of terrorism. But that is how some squirrels think, and they ruin things for all the other wild rodents who only want to live their lives in peace and harmony with all creatures.

So, my advice is to take care of the environment and the squirrels will take care of themselves. If you must take defensive action, do so in a way that protects without provoking. Skeet launchers and electric fences invite disaster. Such drastic measures can also inspire disproportionate reprisals.

Perhaps, in the interest of balance and harmony, we should not insist that any method be 100% effective.

The Bird House Nature Company  has an online store and a location in downtown Orillia. They have a selection of cleverly engineered "squirrel-proof" and even "bear-proof" bird feeders. The also have the Squngee Squirrel Bungee Feeder, which takes into account that, as with many other species, squirrels often eat to distract themselves from a deeper emotional need. 

Sincerely,

Sincerely,

Forest, "the Smartest Pig in the World"

Do you have a question for Forest?
Email you questions to: ForestThePig@gmail.com

Ask Forest - the Smartest Pig in the World: About New Year's Resolutions and Losing Weight.

Carnielu writes:

Hi Forest. 
I need help with my New Year's resolution. I just can't seem to lose these last 30 pounds. Can you help?

Thanks,
  Carnielu



Hi, Carnielu. 

That is a great question.
The answer is, "Yes. I can help." 

Yours truly, 

- Forest, 
(the Smartest Pig in the World) 

All the time in the world

Do we have time for a song?  We have all the time in the world.  This is what we're going to sing.

" All of the time in the world".  We will sing this seven-word chorus 11 times.  This will be a 7-11 song.
At the end we're going to say... life can't hurry us up.  We're infinite.

....More Tales from The Pipe and Slipper

How to know if your eggs are fresh.

If you got them from us today, then your eggs are fresh. But you can test them for yourself.

This trick works because the egg's shell is not completely air tight, while the inside of the chicken, duck, or goose, is considerably more so.

When an egg comes out, it begins sucking up air. This is why fresh eggs sink to the bottom of a bowl of water while older eggs become increasingly buoyant the longer they are exposed to air.

If your egg floats, it has spent a long time sucking. 

The Pipe and Slipper - a poem

The Pipe and Slipper

- by Lori Davenport

It's a happy place
Where everyone is chipper
The Welcome mat is out
At the Pipe and Slipper.

Music fills the air
And it couldn't be hipper
When friends gather and jam
At the Pipe and Slipper.

Thunder, chickens, goats
And many lively creatures
There's never a dull moment
At the Pipe and Slipper.

A clear night's sky
The moon and Big Dipper
Serenity is found
At the Pipe and Slipper.

"The Smartest Pig in the World" - Advice from Forest the Pig

When I was first asked to write an advice column, I was reluctant. You see, there are lots of smart pigs out there. Not to brag, but we are one of the 5 most intelligent species on this particular planet.  I'm sure that any number of pigs would be just as capable as I am, or more so, of waxing  didactic.

I was also uncomfortable with the title of the column. It is with more than a single grain of salt, test results notwithstanding, that I accept the term, "The smartest pig in the World." There are many different measures of intelligence, most of which are subjective, and/or prone to cultural bias.

I decided to accept the opportunity mostly because the request came from my dear friend, Mr. Artimus P. Phife, and also because there are fewer career options than you might expect for a pig of my station.

I look forward to your questions. But please remember that, due to a diplomatic issue which I cannot discuss, I am no longer licensed to dispense legal or medical advice in this country.

Sincerely,

Forest, "the Smartest Pig in the World"

Do you have a question for Forest?
Email you questions to: ForestThePig@gmail.com

I'll be napping while I wait.

Make the World Go Away

Forest was sad for days after hearing Eddy Arnold sing, Make The World Go Away. He recalled it was his Dad's favourite song.

.... more Tales from The Pipe and Slipper.

Deer Rescue

Mathew rescues deer from ice covered lake in Northern Ontario

Matt writes:
 
"I was on the jobsite one morning and Andy and Bob had noticed Lil' Icebreaker out on the half frozen lake, half way broken through. We called 911 but was told they wouldnt do anything about and that they would see if the wild life sanctuary would come rescue it. The volunteer fire rescue from Mckellar came out to help save the deer. So we borrowed the customer's boat (they'll know soon enough ;D ) and went about sliding it on the ice to the deer. Roped the deer and pulled the boat approx 800 feet to shore. Lil' Icebreaker was very happy to be off the ice. What an awesome adventure!"

-Matt Heidman

...More Tales from The Pipe and Slipper.

Rice Krispie Duck - Oldest Duck in North America?

Dear Kellogg's Chief Executive Officer:


This is a picture of Becky the male duck. I believe that he may have been the oldest duck in North America. 

I was playing songs on my ukulele beside the barn tonight when I noticed Becky had tipped and fallen on his side. Becky was 11 years old and had eaten nothing but Rice Krispies his entire life. 

He was a friendly duck so I have taken him in to have him stuffed. His backside was a bit soiled so I spray painted him with white paint on his rear end. 

I was wondering if you would like to put his picture on the Rice Krispies box after he is stuffed. I will supply a small pillbox cap, as I think he would look good with a hat. He could also sit in a display case at your head office. 

Thanks for making great cereal. 

More Tales From The Pipe and Slipper....

My Big-Eared Ginger Friend

"There is something I've wanted to tell you my big eared ginger friend. I had a dream last that instead of acting like a bunch of idiots, we all got along. The barnyard was at peace. We had a drink together and ate some chips, then we laughed about the eggs we sold by mistake. They were hard boiled.

Goat and Bunny

Hey, Good Cluckin'

"I said hey good looking, what you got cookin. How's about cookin something up with me."

Maximus and his friend Monty spend the afternoon singing their favorite Hank Williams tunes. The girls secretly admire that the boys are in a band. More Tales from The Pipe and Slipper.....